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That someone may even be you. On the other hand, he still may be affectionate, passionate when appropriate and sometimes when not appropriate , and considerate of your feelings. He may listen when you need to talk. He helps you when you need it and puts up with you when you are having a bad day and may rant a bit.

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And you do the same for him. But, alas. You finally had to tell him, and he may have taken you out to dinner after all and asked you what you wanted for your birthday. He might not have thought about getting your Valentine until he was on his way home from work on February I know that because I managed a card department.

Most men bought their cards in the early evening of February Most women, on the other hand, bought theirs at least several days ahead of time. Your man may have gotten your flowers or candy at the last minute on the way home from work when someone was hawking them near a stop sign. Does it mean there is something seriously wrong with your relationship? That depends. If he were buying flowers, candy, and jewelry for some other woman instead of you, probably so. He may believe romance is what happens between the two of you when you are alone and in the mood. In his mind it may have little to do with cards gifts, and special days.

Romantic behaviors by their very definition are exaggerations of what really exists. They are more likely to naturally occur when one is infatuated or in the first stages of a love that has not matured yet into something lasting. Unfortunately, our culture and the media have raised the expectations of both sexes to think romantic expressions are normal between those who love each other.

Sometimes it is hard to spend quality time together when the children are constantly needing something. Maybe you all need a break in the routine.


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Take the kids to the beach or somewhere else fun for all of you and grow together as a family. Being together promotes bonding and that is part of love. Of course, I have nothing against date nights. Alone times are important, too. It took me a long time to learn to appreciate that genuine love is the basis of a good marriage — not romance. Romance is basically by its nature an act, a game. I have met many men who are very good at romance and horrible at love. Maybe they had no role models.

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But they are there when you need them, offer you emotional support when you are down, and make you feel loved and needed. In great relationships you both show your love in the everyday things you do for each other.

The Bible has a whole chapter devoted to this sort of love. Paul tells us that love is patient and kind, and not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, irritable, or resentful. When I met my now husband Kosta, I had the usual romantic expectations of a young woman in America in Craig was more practical than romantic. We got along well together for three years before we realized that we wanted to explore other relationships before we committed forever to each other. Within months we had each found the person we eventually married.

He and his wife are still our friends. Again, the relationship started with friendship. Craig had geology following our evening dance class. I began to be attracted to J, and it became apparent much later that the attraction was mutual. J seemed to meet some of my ingrained expectations in the romance department. He took me dancing on Sunset Strip — something that would not have occurred to Craig. J and I often talked in his car for hours after Sunday night church — even when Craig and I were still dating, and he often questioned me about the suitability of my relationship with Craig.

J always got me to talk about myself but he rarely talked about himself. When I asked J who he really was, he told me he was an empty shell. I found he did not value women much and on our last date he actually drove home after drinking.

I did not know he drank until that night. By the grace of God, we did. I had thought I might be in love with him for a couple of years.

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Luckily for me, Kosta acted first. Marrying J would have been a horrible mistake in many ways. I had two other experiences with men I can now only call infatuation. In both cases I was sure I was in love. Both men knew how to behave in the traditionally romantic ways.


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D asked me to go for a walk, and I did. It seemed all nature conspired to make that night romantic. We saw each other daily for about two weeks and then suddenly he stopped calling.